I have struggled with intense irritation, frustration and anger for a long time. I still do. But there are signs of hope.
There is a way to overcome it.
For as long as I can remember I would get allergic reactions that caused physical symptoms of irritation. These intensified during my teenage years and into my twenties. To the point where I would sometimes be completely incapacitated. Man down.
At first I thought these allergies were related to environmental triggers, pollen, dust, etc. Which was in line with the traditional thinking of the doctors I went to for help.
But as time went by, all possible environmental triggers were slowly eliminated.
I would always determine what I thought was the cause of my allergic reactions, such as pollen, only to later find myself in a situation where there was no pollen. And yet the allergy was there. Logic therefore dictates that the cause cannot be pollen and must be something else. A different environmental trigger perhaps?
I am now on the brink of turning thirty and slowly but surely I have come to accept that the cause of these allergic reactions may be something different entirely.
It is my understanding that my allergies are the physical manifestation of aspects at work within my sub-conscious mind.
And, before, I always used anti-histamines to treat these allergic reactions. It’s a common drug prescribed by many doctors and pharmacists. At first it used to be very effective in suppressing my allergic reactions.
However, as soon as I started probing the idea that it might be something internal and sub-conscious causing these allergic reactions, something interesting happened. The anti histamines stopped working.
I am now pretty certain that my allergic reactions are the physical manifestation of deep-seated aspects of my sub-conscious mind. And the triggers for my allergic reactions are situations of certain mental and emotional significance.
I would, for instance, find myself in a situation where I am frustrated and irritated by bureaucracy or angry with a family drama, and sometimes almost instantly an allergic reaction will ensue, as if the frustration I feel on a mental and emotional level is manifested in physical form.
If I manage to remove myself from the situation, sometimes the reaction would stop. But if I physically remove myself while my mind is still engaged, the allergy would continue.
Sometimes, I find the ultimate cure is to remove the situation from my mind. But I say ‘sometimes’ because this can be difficult to achieve.
My conclusion is that our internal states are written into physical form for us to see. So that we can work with what we see in order to heal that which we cannot see.
My allergies are an extreme example, but simply put, our reactions have very little to do with the outside world and everything to do with the internal world of our sub-conscious mind. Whatever the situation that provokes the reaction, it’s merely a trigger. In reality our reactions to external situations reveal the workings of our internal sub-conscious self.
I would for instance get angry, frustrated and irritated with people who do not remember simple details. On the surface it would appear as if these people irritate me.
However what’s really happening is that I’m irritated with my own inability to remember simple things.
For example, it’s happened many times that I make a list of certain things that need to be done and when I get halfway through the list I realise that I’d forgotten half of what I wanted to do. I am left with the frustration of a half completed to-do list, despite knowing that there are other things I had thought about only moments ago.
Or on numerous occasions I would leave a particular place only to realise, soon after I had left, that I had forgotten to do half of what I went there to do. I would make detailed plans for the day only to return home at night, or halfway through the day, and realise that I hadn’t done everything I wanted to do.
These forgetful habits of mine really frustrate me and sometimes it has a considerable impact on my life. Like having to drive back to the same place several times.
And then sometime later I would meet someone who doesn’t remember some small unimportant detail about a story I told them last week. And that would really irritate me, despite not really having a big impact on my life at all.
And I would have all kinds of explanations for why such and such a person is so annoying. Explaining why what they’re doing is wrong.
However, it is my understanding that, in that situation, my irritation really had very little to do with that person’s insignificant forgetfulness. And everything to do with my own, much more serious forgetfulness.
Now, there’s no way of proving this to anyone else.
But I’ve been convinced by the evidence in my own life.
And there would be no way of proving it to yourself other than by looking at your own life.
The emotions we categorize as ‘negative’, such as anger, irritation, frustration, fear, hate, etc., etc., are indicators. These emotions are not negative, but way-points toward uncomfortable truths within ourselves.
It is common practice to hide these insecurities from others and especially from ourselves, but our emotions will always reveal the truth about us.
We may not remember what happened to us all those years ago. We may not remember being humiliated by that bully in front of the whole first-grade class. But our subconscious mind remembers everything.
Why do we fear certain things more than other people? Why can we not function properly in certain areas of life? Why do we find certain people, with certain habits, particularly annoying or repulsive? Or, why do we end up in the same relationships again and again?
We may not know the answers.
But our sub-conscious mind does.
Nothing about ourselves is ever completely hidden from us.
The answers are revealed to us everyday. By our reactions to the outside world.